The Quiet Alienation: What We Get Wrong About Assimilation

It’s not about moving; it’s about being born between two worlds.

How to listen for the silences and champion the liminal self.

Moving to another country can be confusing, difficult and isolating. Nonetheless with the move there comes a level of awareness of the change that you’re about to face. Obviously there are different levels of preparation and culture shock that come with it, but the move being a somewhat conscious choice allows for a level of acknowledgement that eases some of the pains. 

Imagine now being born in a country, and as you grow older you realise that there are some differences between some of the realities that you experience behind closed doors at home, and the public spheres you navigate daily. 

The Inherited Struggle: When Home Culture Meets Public Life

You might be lucky enough to have parents who proudly educate you and tell you about their heritage, teach you to appreciate it and explore it. That luck doesn’t mean that you will necessarily be proud of “their” heritage as well - it might still feel like it doesn't belong to you because, particularly as children, it’s hard to be proud of our differences, we just want to fit in. 

Other times our parents carry deep and heavy shame about their heritage, they hide it and try to integrate it into their host culture by completely erasing any trace of whatever was of their previous selves. You might then inherit some of that shame, carry a piece of it into your life and always hide and ignore the differences of your experience that also make it beautiful. Or you might be able to let go of it sooner or later, and allow yourself to explore the beauty of cultures.  

Whatever the experience might be, being a second generation immigrant comes with sudden and shocking icebaths-like realisations in different stages of life that can lead to isolation, feelings of shame and alienation. There are parts of our identities that often remain hidden, relegated to specific settings and contexts and to not be openly discussed. All of this while most often you don’t even understand much of what this other identity of yours says about you - is it another identity even? Or another side of you? Is it still you? This internal conflict is central to the second-generation experience and has been widely researched and formally named in sociology, and however you’d want to label it as (it goes by many names: cultural hyphen, inherited displacement, the liminal self), the experience remains disorienting and does allow for recreation but not always leads to that. 

The Crucialness of Community and Belonging

You question yourself and look for answers in the world around you, but if you don’t have people close to you that you can relate to - how are you supposed to answer these questions? The crucialness of community emerges in times of uncertainty; a community that is active and aware of all of their citizens and the nuances of the complex identities that can result from migration. A community that values migration and integration because appreciates the value in making someone else’s life easier and better. They recognise that in front of them there’s just another person trying to have a go at life.  

Here’s how you can act as a leader when you see anyone with a migration story, and create a space of safety and openness for them. I hope you remember that while there are impressive efforts by collectives to integrate communities, they are far too little to balance out the negative individual experiences which often include degrees of self-denial. Meaning that someone in front of you might not be able to feel their full self in certain environments - and you could help not by forcing out performances, but by creating spaces, such as dedicated affinity groups, inclusive team meetings, or company-wide cultural forums, where people feel free to share if they want to and where difference is celebrated and valued, bringing diverse voices into the conversation. While organisations, institutions and governments still have a primary responsibility towards ensuring safety for all members of society, individuals can contribute in their day to day by simply engaging in creating safer spaces for everyone. 

And if you happen to be someone with a migration story, whether chosen or inherited, I hope that the process of realising how beautiful and enriching your existence is to the world is smooth and kind for you. Balancing feelings of self questioning and discovery can be messy, but part of the beauty is in the gorgeous mishmash it creates. You, your experience, the way you see the world and understand it, how you contribute to it just by being you. Of course there are practical steps that can be taken to ease the ride: if you’ve moved, learn the language!! Practice, speak, make mistakes - it’s the only way to learn. If your family speaks a different language at home, or your parents or grandparents amongst themselves, make an effort to learn at least some of it. Speaking another language will always open doors and your mind. 

A Call to Action: Moving Beyond Simple Inclusion

This is not a niche conversation. By 2035, an estimated 32.4% of the total UK population will be first- and second-generation migrants (Centre for Migration Control, 2025). This is not just a demographic fact; it's a call to action. As leaders, colleagues, and community members, we have a collective responsibility to move beyond simple 'inclusion' and actively cultivate spaces where inherited identities can flourish without the accompanying shame or self-denial. The person across from you—the one who contributes their unique perspective, the unique mosaic of their experience—is a vital piece of the future workforce and community.

Don't wait for policy change. Start today: create a space of safety and openness, listen for the silences, and celebrate the complexities that make our teams, organizations, and society richer. If you are looking for practical, skill-based ways to foster this level of connection and belonging, we invite you to explore our resources designed to build cultural intelligence for individuals and teams. 

The future of belonging starts with your conscious effort.